Encouragement & Hope Fear of Failure prayer

Don’t Waste The Pain

I'll share with you one prayer I prayed for years that kept me pursuing God purpose in the midst of my pain.

You know you should pray. You want to pray. But sometimes the pain is so incredibly deep that you just don’t know what to say.

Can you relate?

For years as I struggled through pain and heartache I longed for a way to reconcile my personal pain with my faith in Jesus. I hated the idea of being a “victim.” And didn’t want to live in that mentality. But I also knew pretending I wasn’t in pain and wasn’t hurting wouldn’t serve me or my family well.

So what could I do? How should I pray?

Very early on in my own story, I read a book that changed my outlook on my pain. The author encouraged me to see this painful trial as an opportunity to be refined into the woman God created me to be. Her words encouraged me to take this life altering situation, lay it at the feet of Jesus, and pray that God use it to change me, to grow me, and to refine me. She encouraged me to stop looking for everyone around me to change, but instead, allow God examine my own heart.

She said, “Pray that this circumstances changes you.”

This was the perspective I needed. She reminded me over and over again that God was with me in the middle of my pain.  On the nights where the only words I could utter were, “God help me!”…God was there. And as I took things one day at a time…one moment at a time, I began to open my heart to the idea that this could be the greatest opportunity of my life.  It was then that God began to change my heart, and He gave me another prayer.

For the past four years my consistent prayer has been, “Don’t waste the pain.”

As a woman who loves investing in other women, I wanted, “Don’t waste the pain” to mostly mean…give me a platform to help other women. Which God has done.

But beyond that, I have asked God to make the most of my pain…to let the fire refine me into the woman God created me to be.

As I allowed this fire to refine me, I began to see the ugly parts of my heart rise to the surface, like the impurities that rise to the surface as a silversmith refines silver. The heat of refinement was extremely painful. And at times, I didn’t know if I would make it through. But just when I would want to throw in the towel, Jesus would step up, and begin to scrape away the impurities in my heart. And as He did, his reflection became clearer and clearer in me.

That was my goal…to look more like Jesus.

For so many of us who have been hurt by someone else’s actions, it can be tempting to think the one who hurt us needs to do all the changing. “They” need the help. “They” need refinement. But the Bible is clear that you and I are not perfect either. And we won’t be until we get to heaven.

The Bible also says this in James 1 (NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I’ll be honest. This verse wasn’t at the forefront of my mind as I prayed for all of those years, but it was in my heart. This is verse is one I memorized as a young adult. It is one that I had “hidden in my heart” as the Psalmist says. And it is a verse that allowed me to persevere in the midst of the most intense trial of my life.

At the time, I did not consider it “pure joy.” In fact, I refer to parts of my story as “hell on earth.” But the wounds that this particular battle inflicted on my heart are some of my most prized battle wounds.

These are the scars that moved my faith from my head to my heart.

These are the scars that taught me compassion.

These are the scars that allow me daily to be present with my children.

These are the scars that made me look more like the scarred Savior that I follow daily.

By His scars I am healed and redeemed.

I do not need to be ashamed of my scars, and these scars saved my life.

Over the years, I have talked to hundreds of women about their own journeys, trials, frustration, and challenges. I am honored that you trust me with your stories, and my goal is always to point you straight to Jesus.

For those you, who have walked a similar road to me, and have been through betrayal, I have some exciting news.

One way God has answered my prayer not to waste the pain, is through a new FREE live training that I am hosting next week!!! It is live, free and online. Registration begins next today! YES! TODAY!!

On this free training, The First Four Steps to Overcoming Intimate Betrayal Using God’s Word, I’ll share with you the exact steps that got me off the bathroom floor and began my journey of moving from surviving my life to overcoming this trial.

I will share with you practical tools to stop the constant replay of events, images, messages. And I’ll give you a guide to replace those tormenting thoughts with the truth of God’s Word so that you can move from chaos to peace.

This month marks four years since I sat broken on the bathroom floor wondering if I would survive. Four year later, I wake up with a smile on my face excited about what the future holds.

It didn’t happen overnight, but step by step one day at a time God healed me through His Word. My passion is to help other women find that same peace.

Will you join me? To register simply click the link below, and then choose the best time for you! {I have three options for your convenience, but you only need to pick one!}

I can’t wait to get to know you, and walk this healing road alongside you. I can’t wait to cheer you on as you celebrate a night of peaceful sleep or a day where you are present with your kiddos. Peace is possible.

>>Click here to register: Free Training

I’d love to hear from you! Post any questions, insights or comments below.


I've been a follower of Jesus for over 30 years, and have been teaching God's Word to students and women for nearly 20 years! God has brought me through some difficult chapters in my own life, and now my passion is equipping women like you with tools to embrace your own unexpected chapters in life with grace and truth.

2 comments on “Don’t Waste The Pain

  1. What do you pray for when you don’t know what to pray for?

  2. I try to pray for one clear next step and the courage to take it. It can be super small step…but just one step at a time.

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