The first time I heard the price, I thought she was joking!  And even as I finalized the payment, I thought to myself, “It’s too much money.  I can’t spend that kind of money on me!”

Of course, if my child needed that kind of money to get well, I would spend it in a heartbeat. But this was different.  This was money being spent on me.

The divorce papers had already been filed, so was a week away at investing in myself really worth it?

The battle in my mind over whether or not I was worth this investment went on and on, until I arrived.

One hour into my week long intensive, I knew I was in the right place. As I wrestled through my past, I realized that the return on investment for this week was immeasurable. Why?

Because I was getting well.

Because I was embarking on a new journey as a single mom, and I needed to be well for me and my girls.

Because even though we are no longer together, I still have a lifetime of co-parenting with the girl’s dad.

Because like you, I have issues.

Have you ever struggled with whether or not you are worth the investment of getting well?

Have you ever taken out your wallet and forked over money just for you? For your health or well-being? What was the result?

Maybe like me, you found one of these results.

1. You are able to be present with your family.

Have you ever wished you could enjoy your kids more? That was me! I loved my girls, but I envied moms who loved spending every waking moment with their kiddos.  I struggled to be present.  Maybe like you, even when I tried my best to be “all there,” my mind often wandered.

Have you been there?  You want to stay in the moment, but your mind is flooded with what if's or to dos or worrying about things that are completely outside of your control?

The struggle is real! You feel like a crappy parent because all the wishing in the world doesn't bring your attention fully to your kiddos.

Being present with your family often requires you to deal with the stuff that is distracting you.  But trying to process your pain while cooking dinner and driving kids to ballet, soccer and gymnastics and church doesn't leave you with the space required for going deep. Instead, purposeful time alone to process affords you the opportunity to go deep, process and come back free to be present with your loved ones.

Maybe you are great with being present, and instead your investment yielded this treasure:

2. You learned to love yourself like Jesus loves you.

Love is such a strange thing…you talk about it all the time.  Maybe like me, you've already said it 100 times today.  Are you like me? Do you struggle what true of love looks like? Do you struggle with how much Jesus loves you. Of course you know how much He loves everyone else, but how about how much He loves you?

The truth is: Jesus found you valuable enough to step down from heaven, be born in a barn, die on a cross and rise again so that He could have a relationship with you. He longs for intimacy with you. He desires you. He chooses you day after day.

For me, this is a struggle to believe.  I often wrestle with feelings of rejection, so the thought that Jesus loves me so much that He died for me…that isn't easy for me to accept.  Even now as I think about, tears well up in my eyes because I struggle to believe.  I am afraid to believe. Believing in love has left my heart shattered. Trusting that Jesus loves me without reservation isn't easy for me. I often try to earn His love by doing good or being good. But the truth is He loves me and you unconditionally not because of anything you did, but because He created you.  Do you believe that?

Spending a week being honest about this fear has allowed me to be honest with myself. Wrestling through this truth has helped me accept Jesus's love on a deeper lever and love myself better. I have learned to value myself, treat myself with respect, meet my needs, take care of my heart and soul. In short, I have learned to love myself the way that Jesus loves me.

If this was the gift you received for investing in yourself, I am so happy for you! What an amazing gift! But maybe this last treasure is what you gained from investing in yourself.

3. You learned that only Jesus can save the ones you love.

If you believe this truth, I am so proud of you! Honestly, I struggled for a lifetime with this one. {Full Disclosure: I still do from time to time.}

Do you know someone who isn't living in the fullness of Jesus's love? Do you wish you could wave a magic wand and let them see their worth in Jesus's eyes? Do you spend all of your time trying to love them perfectly in an effort to help them understand how Jesus loves them?

I have.

And I failed. Because rather than pointing them to Jesus, I tried to be the savior. I didn't do this intentionally, but I did think that my perfect love could change their heart. And guess what!?!?! Perfect love isn't something I have to offer. And only Jesus can change a heart. The pressure I put on myself to love perfectly led me to believe that my needs didn't matter.

When I learned to let Jesus be the Savior, I stepped into the freedom of loving inside of healthy boundaries. I learned that I could be respected and love well at the same time. I learned that loving well doesn't mean sacrificing my needs.

As a mom, this treasure gives me the freedom to be human.  To love my girls the best I can, but also to be kind to myself when I mess up. I don't have to be the perfect mom because the “perfect mom” doesn't exist…despite what you might see on social media.

Investing in my health was a gift I didn't feel worthy of, but it is a gift that I can't put a price on. Being able to be present with my girls, demonstrating to my girls what healthy love looks like, and letting them see how I respond when I fail is the best gift.

I believe I could have learned these truths slowly over time, but it still would have required being intentional about getting in the ditches of my heart and processing allowed my heart.

As we end the Christmas season and step into a New Year, I pray that you will make yourself and your heart a priority in 2018.

One way you can invest in yourself in 2018 is simply joining this community. My goal each week is to give you tools to help you heal from past and live in the present with purpose and peace.  And I have one free tool I'd like to give you today…a free mini-devotional.  you can request your free copy here: FREE MINI-DEVOTIONAL

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