Betrayal Encouragement & Hope

Why Do I Feel Like a Failure in My Marriage?

Blog Image 11.7If you have ever felt like a failure in your marriage, then we have something in common!

As look back over the past eight years, I see a pattern.  Whenever my marriage hit a rocky spot I always blamed myself.  I always felt like a failure.

The result: I constantly put pressure on myself to work harder, to be a better wife, a better mom, a better me. I thought I could fix whatever it was that was causing strife in my marriage.  I also believed that I was a failure if my spouse didn’t choose me.

So when I discovered that despite my best efforts my marriage was failing, I was devastated.  But again I thought I could just work harder. And I could figure out a way to get him to choose me.


The truth was, I could only do my part.  There were two people in my marriage…I was only half of that. So I wasn’t the reason my marriage was failing…we both were.  Maybe I knew that deep down, but on the surface, I wanted so badly for my marriage to work, that I was willing to shoulder the blame.  Because if I was the problem, then I could also be the solution.

The other reason I think I shouldered the blame was because I was ashamed.  I was ashamed that despite my best efforts, betrayal happened in my marriage.  If you have experienced betrayal in your marriage, you probably know that shame.  The shame that tells you somehow it was your fault.

As I have begun to share my story, women have begun to trust me with their stories.  Time and time again I hear women struggling with the lie that betrayal was their fault. Unfortunately, in Christian circles there is a lie that has crept in the culture that tells wives that it is the their responsibility to keep their husband from finding fulfillment somewhere else.

As a young wife, I believed this lie. So when my husband wasn’t faithful, I felt ashamed. I thought I hadn’t done my duty to keep him faithful.  The first thing I asked him was, “Why am I not enough?” I felt like his decision to betray me meant that something was wrong with me.

But the truth is, it wasn’t my fault.  And it isn’t your fault either.

I wish that simply telling you that truth would convince you that it isn’t your fault, but I am not naive. I know it isn’t that simple. But I ask you to please begin to pray that God would convince you of this truth.  Believing this particular lie has probably impacted you in several ways.  You might feel alone because you think if you share your story people will judge you and blame you.  Maybe you were brave. Maybe you did share your story, and your worst suspicions were confirmed.  You were judged.

If this describes you, I am sorry.  I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you the truth.  Betrayal isn’t your fault.

I wish I had a magic wand that could take away your pain, but I don’t.  I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t.  I do however know how you feel, and I am committed to walking this journey with you.  I am committed to sharing insights and nuggets of wisdom that I have learned along my own journey.

Each day as I read through the emails I receive from women like you, I am honored that you trust me.  But at the same time my heart breaks that someone else is walking this difficult road.  My passion is equipping women with practical tools to walk this and other difficult roads with grace and truth.  So if you are on this journey, please join this community of amazing women.  Don’t walk this road alone.

It breaks my heart everyday to know that there are women hurting so deeply, often without support, encouragement or practical tools to overcome this trial.  That is why this January I will be teaching my first online class designed specifically for women desiring to overcome betrayal in a God-honoring way.  Over the next two months I’ll be sharing more details with you about this class, but let me tell you this class is my passion!  I cannot wait to share it with you.

When I was first facing betrayal I wanted to find something that would give me practical steps to process and heal, but I also wanted something faith-based that would allow me to process this trial from a Biblical perspective.  What I found was that there were very few resources available, and most of them were books.  I wanted something more.  I wanted a community where I could connect with other women, ask them about their journey and tell them about my own.  I wanted a place to feel normal.  I wanted a place to be sad, angry, confused and to find healthy support rather than advice from well-meaning friends who had never walked this road.  So as I asked God how He could use the pain of my past to help me find purpose in my present, He gave me the vision of this community and this online class.

I can’t wait to tell you more about as registration gets closer, but for now I want you to know that you are not alone!  If you are interested in this class and being a part of this community, please connect with me directly by emailing me at or by requesting the free resource I have to help you take the first steps in finding healing on this journey.

Click here to request your free guide: 3 Baby Steps to Begin Overcoming Betrayal

I can’t wait to connect with you!  The journey isn’t easy, but with God’s grace you will not only survive, you will conquer!

[optin-cat id=”2150″]


4 comments on “Why Do I Feel Like a Failure in My Marriage?

  1. Alice Dinges

    True words. Even if it was failure due to abuse it’s not our fault.

  2. speakinginfaith

    Yes!!! Thank you for sharing that truth!

  3. Samantha Huff

    I forgave the betrayal, numerous times, before I finally decided enough was enough. I, too, blamed myself, told myself I wasn’t enough and that I needed to try harder. But the harder I tried, the worse I felt. When I tried to give more, he always wanted more. It was never enough. Now, I’m just over 2 months into a relationship with an amazing man who tries every day to bring out the best in me. There has not been a day yet where I wonder where I stand with him. So far, he has proven to me that not every man is like my ex.

  4. speakinginfaith

    oh my goodness! I am so excited for you! I know exactly how you felt in trying harder and feeling worse! Thank you for sharing!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: